False Hopes: Women in Advertising

by = Aisha Jeffreys

n 1998, I allowed myself to= sink completely to the bottom of the pit. I had wrapped myself around a man who = did not respect or care for me. The type of relationship we had landed me in th= e Howard County Detention Center. I was facing eighteen years for five different charges. I had allowed mysel= f to lose all sense of what was right and wrong. I no longer cared for myself or= my children. Being in jail and having to live with a criminal record has creat= ed a significant change in my life.

I can reme= mber sitting in this hot cell. It seemed as if the walls were closing in on me. There was a shiny metal toilet in the corner and one single roll of toilet paper on the floor. I had a thin green mattress to sleep on that was placed= on a concrete bed affixed to the wall. I was given no sheets or pillows. I was= not allowed to have them because I was on suicide watch. I had to be locked down for twenty-three hours of the day. I had no shoelaces, and the guards even = took the clothes off my back. I was only permitted to wear a paper robe, just li= ke the ones you get in the doctor’s office. All I was allowed to sleep w= ith was this fireproof-like blanket. I spent most of the time crying and feeling sorry for myself.

After spending two days on lock-down without being permitted to take a shower or brush my teeth, I started to smell as if I had rolled straight over an onion patch. I later found out that I was supposed to have been let out of my cell for an hour to shower and brush my teeth. I also was supposed to have gotte= n a welcome package that contained toothpaste, a toothbrush, soap, and a washcl= oth. For some reason, the guards forgot to give me my package.

Two days w= ent by before I was finally permitted to take a shower. It felt so good. Things th= at I had taken for granted started to mean so much. Once I was off of suicide wa= tch, I was moved into “population,” as they called it. It was where = all the other female inmates were. It looked more like a boot camp. There were = two levels; on each level, there were about ten bunk beds in a row and one show= er for each level. On the bottom level sat a shiny metal toilet in plain view.= I was surprised to see a television. Most of the inmates were sitting around = the television watching the soaps. In the middle of the floor at the bottom lev= el were two metal tables and bench sets that were drilled to the floor; two fe= male inmates sat and played cards. It did not seem as bad as I thought it would = be. I noticed, however, that the windows had a coat of frost on them so no one could see out, and there were bars surrounding the window and the front doo= r. At that point I began to wonder what in the world had I gotten myself into,= and how in the world I would get out.

I guess yo= u can say that I was saved by going to jail, just as Malcolm X was. Malcolm X lea= rned to read and write by going to prison, which changed his life from a street hustler to a powerful Muslim leader. For me, jail saved my life. It made me take a look at what I was doing wrong. I was a very insecure young woman wi= th no self-esteem. I had loved a man more than I loved myself. The man had a problem with infidelity, and instead of releasing him and letting him pursue other women, I chose to harm the woman who had threatened our relationship. Being in jail helped me to realize that I was worth more than that. I deser= ved to live and have a healthy relationship. After being released from jail, I immediately started attending therapy sessions to work on my self-esteem. T= he sessions helped me to start loving myself again and focus on what was important. I realized that I had taken so much for granted, and at no point= did I ever want to be without my children. My children needed me. I quickly realized that I needed to live for them. Going to prison helped me to love myself enough that I could let go of the hurt and pain caused by a bad rela= tionship. But without this experience, I would not be the woman that I am today. I am= now very secure in my life, and my self-esteem is now overwhelming. I believe t= hat I can achieve the impossible not only for my children but for myself.

My experience in the detention center was the worst time of my life. Being in = jail was an awful experience, but it made me learn to love myself. Sometimes God allows us to go through challenging situations in order to learn what He ha= s in store for us to complete. I know that if I had put God first, I would not h= ave gone to jail. I made a promise to myself that I would never again allow mys= elf to forget about what is most important in my life for someone else. Althoug= h I now must live my life as a convicted felon, I can truly say that I was save= d.

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Aisha is a health care management and administration major.
Suffocated

by = Danyelle Gragsone

I<= /p>

was born in a black, middle= -class household. That sadly changed after my grandmother died of sickle cell when= I was eleven. My mother instantly applied for welfare, putting us into a low- income bracket. My mother never believed in working and making her own way,= so that left me to take care of myself. It was very hard trying to live my life outside of society’s stereotypes. Low-income kids were supposed to be= come drug abusers, high school dropouts, unwed parents, or rejects of society wh= o go nowhere in life. The rejection of this social stigma was my journey to bein= g my own person. I was determined not to let society’s perception of me, a black woman from the ghetto, define who I ought to be.

I didn’t start dating until I was 22 years old. I knew the possible consequences of dating too early. I was never really interested in the guys= in my neighborhood. Most had no ambition or desire to do anything but smoke we= ed, stand on the corner all day, or have sex. I was determined not to be another single mother with no future. Watching the girls in my neighborhood trying = to struggle with motherhood, school, and life was a huge eye-opener. I just desired more out of life. Later after moving away from the neighborhood I g= rew up in, I married Chris, who is Jewish. Chris offered something that other g= uys lacked—stability. Chris was able to keep me sane. In the beginning of= our relationship he never pressured me for anything physical, and even now he continues to make himself available, even in difficult times. He has suppor= ted my decision to go back to school, which has been a huge sacrifice for us. T= he time I spend in school, I could be spending with him, but we know this deci= sion will be worth it in the end. Chris has been one of the best things that has ever happened to me. He and I share similar ideas on life. We believe in lo= ve, fun, and being happy. When I started dating Chris, I would hear, “all= of these good brothers

around and you pick him?= 221; There are some misguided beliefs in parts of the black community, and the idea th= at blacks should only marry within their race is one of them.

Not= only have I rejected stereotypes associated with race and class, but I have also rejected gender stereotypes as well. I never really understood the need to = make people into what others wanted, instead of letting the person be who they w= ant to be. Depending on our gender, we are “supposed” to be a certa= in way. Regardless of race, women are trained to be “good wives.” = We are trained to cook, clean, and raise children. Thinking back, I think I pl= ayed house twenty different times, and every time it was always more and more boring. In high school, when girls would get sent to home economics to learn how to sew and cook, I would go to shop class. I wanted to learn how to fix= my own car. Women are also trained to be less assertive. While some men prefer women who are subtle and soft-spoken, I prefer to be straightforward. In the past when I spoke my mind, men would say to me, “how are you going to make some man a good wife if you can’t act like a woman? No man wants= to marry himself!” These men who made these remarks would be surprised t= hat I not only have a man, but I have also been successful at keeping one.

I w= ill never give up on the idea that my life is my life. It is not an easy life, = but it is fulfilling. I know that when I look back on my life, I will have truly lived it. I didn’t live it based on what society says or wants of me.= I will not say that my life is better than the lives of those who are stuck in society’s web. It is not for me to judge which lifestyle is right. If= I spent my time worrying about them, I would have no time for myself.

Danyelle is a computer programming major. She aspires to graduate from colle= ge and believes in a world of limitless possibilities.

Becoming an Entrep= reneur

by = Kazeem Laja

have a great entrepreneurial spirit. I have been told = this by a lot of people ever since I was 12. Even when I was getting in trouble, people could tell I had planned out everything in a businesslike manner bef= ore I did it. I always wanted to own a business, and I always went for anything= I wanted. Unfortunately, when I attempted to start a business, I ran into problems. I wasn’t ready to give up, so I knew I had to do something so that I wouldn’t fail agai= n. My ability to learn from my mistakes as well as from my family and co-worke= rs helped me to become a great businessman.

Starting a business with no experience increases your chances of failure, but you ha= ve to get some experience somehow. I started an Internet business back in 2002= at the age of 15 using money that I had saved up from my allowance. The busine= ss provided web hosting and domains for Internet users. I got the idea when an online friend couldn’t find the type of website host he wanted; I tho= ught that I could provide one. Not too long after launching the business, I had about 12 customers, and they were bringing in about $300 a month—not = bad for someone who had just turned 15.

I was enjo= ying making money until problems started to come along and my business started to fall apart. The first problem was that customers needed support for things = like software issues, and I wasn’t around all the time to help them. So, I lost a couple of customers because of my not being able to provide support.= I was down to about nine customers when another big problem came along. The company that I rented the hosting space from kept having power outages, whi= ch meant all of my customers’ sites would go out too; as a result, I got lots of emails about this problem. The emails would lead to account cancellation notices, and soon I was gaining a bad reputation under the company name “Division Host”= and knew I would have to shut my company down. I gave customers a 30-day notice= and refunded that month’s payment. My lack of research and experience was= the reason my business failed, and I knew I had to gain some.

I knew if I wanted experience, I had a family member who had lots of it. My godmother owned a real estate company and a web graphic design company. I called her up and told her my problem, and then I started working for her. While I was helping with her web graphic design company, I learned a lot ab= out the mistakes I made with my business, because they are basically a hosting company themselves, hosting the sites they design. My aunt didn’t giv= e me much advice, but her staff did, especially Jeff, who was in charge of all t= he staff at my aunt’s company. The most important advice they gave me wa= s to hire one or two staff members in a different time zone for customer support because I could not stay up all the time and provide support myself. They a= lso told me to do online research simply by using a search engine to find out a= bout the company I would be renting space from.

&nbs= p; I had also enrolled in a business class in high school, which taught me a lot about the laws in business and how I needed a business plan if I hoped to be successful. The class also took us on trips where we got to meet business owners, but these people weren’t helpful because they talked about themselves and not about what we needed to do to be successful business own= ers. After the class and working with my aunt’s company, the only way to l= earn now was by gaining hands on experience, so I was ready to give the business another try.

I re-launched my business in 2004, and this time I made the web hosting somet= hing I did on the side. My new business would develop websites and then sell the= m. My most successful sites were sites that interested me, which included rap, go= -go music, and gaming websites. One of my most successful sites was a gaming website; I used money that I made from working at Bonidacci, a clothing sto= re, to promote it in magazines and online banner advertising. When it

grew to over 3,000 members,= I wanted to see how much it would sell for, in part because gaming wasn’= ;t an interest of mine once I started to get older. It sold for $2,000. I told= my Introduction to Business teacher, and she let me write a paper about it and present it to the entire class.

A year lat= er, I owned about 12 websites that I would rarely sell because I found a new way = to make money with them: Google Ads. Every time someone clicks on an ad, I make money, and I can place the ads anywhere on my sites. My two biggest sites, = my go-go and rap discussion sites, have brought in about 95% of my income: abo= ut $500 every month. I still own those two sites, and my income continually ri= ses. My hosting company clients have come from members of those two sites, and t= hey have low demands since they already know me well.

&nbs= p; My long and rough experience of starting a business taught me a lot of things. Businesses don’t happen overnight, and 80% of businesses fail the fir= st time, according to Forbes.com. Owning a business takes lots of planning and resources, but most importantly, it takes faith; without that, a business is being run that no one believes in.

&nbs= p;

Kazeem is a business administration and entrepreneurship major.

Nigeria’s ‘Bad’ Smoking Women

by = Ime Noah

N<= /p>

igeria is a country in West Afr= ica. It is a country with highly educated individuals, including women. Despite their education level, Nigerian women still hold low positions in the workplace, unlike their male counterparts. This is because some of these wo= men make a choice that is considered taboo. These women choose to smoke. Smoking was once considered a “man’s thing,” but women today tend= to smoke as much as men do, and this creates a lot of misconceptions about who they really are.

Some people in Nigeria believe that women who smoke come from bad homes and lack morals or discipl= ine. Non-smokers perceive women who smoke as shameless. For example, if a chief = has a daughter who smokes, the chief’s title can be stripped unless there= is proof that he is against the habit. Citizens believe that if the chief cann= ot discipline his own daughter, he cannot discipline those under his authority. This misconception is harmful because many women who smoke are good women f= rom reputable backgrounds. Their decision to smoke represents a choice, and is = not a reflection of their family or of their character.

Another misconception is that women who smoke are high school dropouts who are dest= ined for failure. The smokers’ accusers assume that they choose to smoke a= s a way of handling the difficulty of school. However, this opinion is one that= is misinformed. These women may choose to smoke because they want to lose weig= ht, because they are depressed, or because they like the smell of tobacco. Some= of these same women compete with their non-smoking counterparts and are just as successful. Today, we have highly educated women in different fields who sm= oke. For example, Mrs. Florence Agbiriogu, the first female minister of educatio= n at Uyo State University, is a smoker. Hence, smoking has nothing to do with a person’s capabil= ity. Smoking is merely a choice.

Nigerians also make it difficult for women who smoke to find a husband. Some Nigerians label women “prostitutes” for choosing to smoke. For this reaso= n, men avoid smoking women. Smoking is considered to be a man’s habit. W= hile it is taboo for women to smoke, it is socially acceptable for men to smoke.= Men will go so far as to avoid being seen with a woman who smokes in public bec= ause they do not want their male counterparts to see them with a woman who smoke= s. Consequently, Nigeri= a has many young, vibrant single women with promising futures who are lonely simply because they choose to smoke.

Men believe that women who smoke would not make good wives. They fear that women who smoke cannot bear children because smoking decreases the chances of the mother having a healthy child. Such women are regarded as outcasts and consequently leave for foreign countries where they are accepted. As a resu= lt, Nigeria= is losing lots of bright women who could contribute to the development of its society. Women who smoke can, indeed, be good housewives and mothers, if th= ey are only given the chance to show who they really are rather than society’s mere perceptions of them.

Perhaps the most harmful perception of smoking women is that they cannot hold key positions in the workforce. While many women are now holding positions traditionally held by men, such as those of lawyers, engineers, and archite= cts, they are not to be nominated for commissioners’ posts, for executive directors or for any of the highest level positions even though they may be well-qualified or even perform better than their male counterparts in simil= ar fields. Just as Nigerian society has progressed by opening male-dominated fields to women, Nigerians should also demonstrate this same progression of thought by removing the stigma attached to women who smoke.

Women who smoke should be given the same opportunities as those who do not. Smoki= ng has nothing to do with their character; it is a choice. Nigeria has thousands of vibrant, promising women who can make a difference in society, but first, Nigeria= must do away with notions of ‘bad’ smoking women.

Ime Noah is a nursing major.
Changing My Attitude Towards My In-Laws

by = Lie-Ping Li

I<= /p>

n both Eastern and Western = society, a lot of people do not ha= ve a very warm relationship with t= heir in-laws. There is an old Chinese= saying, “a woman waits unti= l she becomes a mother- in-law to pay off what she had suffered while she was an unfortunate daughter-in-law.” I= n this country, I often hear a = joke that a son-in-law shows his dislike for his moth= er-in-law by sending her an aged <= /span>fruitcake as a Christmas present. <= span style=3D'mso-fareast-language:ZH-TW'>Fortunately, I am a very lucky daughte= r-in-law and have no complaints about my parents-in-law. But although our relationsh= ip has never been cold, my attitude towards my in-laws deepened after I joined a char= ity organization, the Tzu Chi Founda= tion.

My husband and I have been married for thirty-five years. Before I joined the Tzu Chi Foundation, my relationship = with my in-laws was no different from that of other ordinary people. I was just = like a traditional Chinese daughter-in-law should be. I respected my parents-in-= law; I obeyed my husband; I did not make any major decisions; I kept the house running smoothly; and, I was nice to my husband’s relatives. For many years, I had a pretty good relationship with my in-laws, but deep in my min= d, my in-laws were just my husband’s parents and not my own parents.

In 1995, I joined the Tzu Chi Foundation. Most of the time,= I do volunteer work with other members. We provide meals for underprivileged peo= ple in community-based halfway houses, have free health consultations for low-income families, and visit nursing homes. One day, I was visiting a loc= al nursing home with other volunteers. As usual, we pushed the wheelchair-bound residents from their rooms to the cafeteria and served coffee and donuts to them. We also entertained them with song and dance and made conversations w= ith them. While I was in the middle of serving coffee and donuts to a lady, I suddenly stopped and asked myself the question, “What am I doing here= ?” I looked at the elderly around me and immediately was thinking about my in-laws. Meanwhile, the words from Dharma Master Cheng Yen, the founder of = the Tzu Chi Foundation, came to me vividly. She constantly told us that we shou= ld treat all the parents in the world as our own parents. I asked myself, R= 20;Do I treat my in-laws as my own parents?” It was really a tough question that= I had to answer for myself that day.

At that moment in the nursing home, I = wanted to change my attitude towards my in-laws just like Mike Magnuson wanted to change his life in the excerpt from Lummox: Evolution of a Man. After Mike finished the story, “A Cook’s Tale” in Rollerb= all, he wanted to be like the main charac= ter, John Olaf, who had read the entire four hundred books in the Modern Library. Mike started reading and changed his life. Similarly, I started thinking and wanted to change my attitude towards my in-laws.

Since that nursing home visit, I const= antly remind myself to improve my attitude towards my husband’s parents. The longer I work as a volunteer a= nd the more I learn as a member of the Tzu Chi Foundation, the more I realize how I have been transformed. I talk to my in-laws on the phone more often. I am n= ot shy or afraid to show my affection for them. Whenever I have opportunities = to go to Los Angeles, I try to spend as much time with them as possible and enjoy every minute wi= th them. I know I have gradually accomplished something. Now, I not only feel = that they treat me like their own daughter, but I also feel that I love them as I love my own parents!

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= ;

Lie-Ping Li is a special education major. She aspires to work wi= th children with special needs.

Overcoming Death

by = Kelly Streit

M<= /p>

ost of the things I know, I= learned from experience. Learning from experience is not my favorite way to learn things because, inevitably, this knowledge requires change. I lost two loved ones that were very important to me. Losing my loved ones was difficult, bu= t it has changed me for the better.

The first death that I dealt with was that of my grandpa, whom I was very close= to. Before he got sick, I would spend the night at his house on weekends. We wo= uld play cards and eat dinner together. He introduced me to my favorite kind of fish, salmon. We had a lot of good times together, so it broke my heart to = see him go. He was 88 years old when he died; he lived a long life. Before my grandpa died, he was hospitalized, and I ran away from the problem. I did n= ot visit him as much as I should have. Since he looked so frail and sick, seei= ng him hurt me. He died in his sleep, and it saddened me so much that I was depressed the entire day of his death. &nbs= p; My grandpa’s funeral eventually came. I was glad he was cremated because= I did not want to look at his dead body in front of me. At his funeral, I read the poem I read him on his birthday when he was in the hospital bed. At the funeral, I found out from friends and family so many things about him I nev= er knew. For example, I found out he had worked on a ship in the Marines. I realized I didn’t know him as well as I thought I did. I regretted the fact that I didn’t know him as much as so many other people did.

The last death I encountered was my friend Farmer’s. He was only 19 years old, and in my eyes he was too young to die. Unexpectedly, he died in a car accident. When I found out, I was in shock and complete misery. Farmer̵= 7;s death was the hardest death to deal with. I went to Farmer’s funeral = with tears in my eyes. Farmer’s dead body was in the casket right in front= of me. It was very hard to handle. Though it was difficult, I read a poem at h= is funeral that came from my heart. I was very emotional and couldn’t he= lp but cry. There were so many things I wish I had said to Farmer that I didn’t. I wrote him a letter that said everything I wanted to say, an= d I put it in his casket. Since Farmer had a crush on me and I never gave him a chance, I was regretful. Now that he is gone, it is too late to give him a chance.

It was hard to deal with the fact that my two loved ones were gone, but I coped the best way I knew how. I went through the grieving process. First, I was = so in shock that I was emotionally numb. I couldn’t believe what was in front of me. Second, I was very miserable for the longest time. I wished the people I loved didn’t go. Third, I was angry at God for taking them f= rom me. Then, I started bargaining by telling God that I would give up anything that meant anything to me if he brought them back into my life. Finally, I reached acceptance and realized that there’s nothing I can do to chan= ge the fact that they’re gone. I told myself that they were in heaven and one day we’ll meet again. I know that God took them for a reason and = that it was their time to go.

I was a different person before the people I was close to died. Before my lov= ed ones died, I never took seriously the fact that people could go at any time= . I thought people would always be there. I also never thought of experiencing complete emotional pain. After my loved ones died, I learned not to take pe= ople for granted because you never know when someone may go. I learned that peop= le can gain from change, good or bad. I gained from bad change because I learn= ed so much and I am now a stronger person. Malcolm X in the article, “Saved” also gained from negative change because he learned how= to read when he got thrown into prison. Bad things can happen, but good things= can come from them.

Although losing the people I loved was difficult, it changed me for the better. Now = that I think about it, Farmer and my grandpa are very lucky. They are in heaven = with joy and peace. On the other hand, I am in this perilous world. I believe th= ey completed their purpose on earth, and I have come to accept their death. I = know I will see them again when it is my time to go to another place, a better place.

Kelly Streit is a psychology major. She likes shopping, hanging out wi= th friends, writing, and watching movies.&nbs= p; She believes that anything is possible.